bits and pieces of my heart on paper.

Things that make me happy...

-the color the sun makes when you close your eyes on a bright sunny day

-the Vegas sky

-dancing to 80's music

-real conversations

-painting from my heart

-melting crayons

-laughing uncontrollably 

-moments with strangers

-being told and actually believing i am beautiful

-that kind of music that reaches down deep and touches your soul.

-random phone calls, texts, emails, and messages have the power to turn a bad day completely around

-freeing my secrets and becoming who I am

Things that break my heart

-movies

-songs

-moving away from the few people that know me best

-unrequited love

-lies

-living in America

-the loss of a friend

-trusting to easily

Things I've learned lately

-no matter what happens in life, I will pray for tomorrow and be open for whatever the next step is.

-so many of us confuse safety with love...

-I want to live a life with meaning.

-From the moment we stood side by side and captured that moment in time, a piece of my heart fell in your hands.

-I wish that all I had to do is make art all day...

-You make your past your past.

-I love you because... you encourage me, inspire me, and challenge me to be a better person... 

-"Live because you Love, And Love will make you Give, And Give in when you break, But you just want to fix yourself Just to break again..."-Copeland (I believe, sometimes it takes completely dismantling every part in order to be fully repaired.)

A secret....

-When I meet new people, sometimes when they leave I secretly miss them.

Fools Gold (a sleepless night)

"You were a work of art, play me like a little game, 

Now you can break my heart, and i will love you just the same.

I can see it through your eyes, 

Your fingers crossed by your side,

But i need your little shiny lies"

Fools Gold -Katre Herzig

I knew all along you were lying to me... why was i so stupid...

when you said "I think you're beautiful" - "I love you" - "I like you" - "You aren't just some other girl" - "I want to just hold you" - "I'm sorry" - "I wish it was different"... I believed you...

but the only truth you spoke was "run away from me because I will end up  hurting you" 

you were too late...

your impulsive, thoughtless actions... have shattered me to pieces.

I knew better... I tried to be cautious, but still I'm leaving broken....

although i want to embrace this huge part of my heart that loves so freely, times like these make me regret having such a heart like mine...

love.

I still want to believe love is transcendent and eternal...

a day without shoes...

this is from April 16th for some reason it didn't publish.

today I went one day without shoes....

I've never felt so many textures...

This morning on my way to class I had to cut through a parking lot, there were thousands of small stones digging into my feet during each step i took. The first sharp rock I hit dug deeply into the ball of my foot and remained there through the next fews steps until i raised my foot to knock it out with my hand. all i could think to myself was these poor children.

but in each step i took it was lovely all the textures and different temperatures. it was like a whole new world i never even noticed. 

like a pebble stone walk way and the smoothness found on a hand laid brick path.

Most of all i loved the flower petals that had fallen from the tree over hanging the sidewalk.. they were so soft, so smooth like silk under my already worn and weary feet.

It made me sad for all those petals trampled by thousands of students enclosed feet rushing by to get to class, no one taking time to notice the velvet runner the trees had so beautifully laid down.

And the grass so green and full, i love the way it just engulfs your entire foot wrapping it up in it's comfort. 

honestly i'm thinking about not wearing shoes more often :)

TOMSshoes.com (check them out they are amazing and totally legit!) 

the moon...

tonight, in my bed as my eyes begin to close, 

the moon dazzles me with it's soft spoken words.

captured, i rest in it's warm embrace. 

as it's glow shines over the water's face, 

whispers of beauty and fill the air. 

as i close my eyes, and wish for there, 

if only i could believe whispers spoken

all walls fall down, my heart is open, 

unprotected, fragile, i lay here and wonder 

 as the moon drifts on... 

without hello, without goodbye, he leaves me behind.

i love days that end with art

She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short.

here's some art from today...

Invisible because no one will know if they live or die

ok here goes the ramblings of a restless heart!

-I don't want to sleep in my bed anymore because i know their are children i love asleep in the bush trapped and forced to fight by the demonic commands of Joseph Kony

-My stomach aches of hunger from only having one meal today but i can't bring myself to eat because i know this is how the many children i met in Uganda feel every night when they go to bed with empty stomachs.

-There are over 3,000 children that are now abducted and either forced to be child soldiers of Kony's Rebel Army or killed. Tiny children carrying guns, taught to be killers. Can you imagine!

-I can't stop crying because after months of ignoring the truth that my heart is still in Uganda I've finally accepted it, even though i'm not sure there is anything i can do about it right now.

-I want to change the world... yes, i am just a girl from tennessee but I want to make a difference for these children.. I want more than anything in my whole life for them to be rescued.

-After seeing their faces, holding their hands, and walking side by side with them I can't just give up and be content.. I must do something!

-The hardest part is letting God be in control and knowing that I am here for a reason.. and He will lead me back to Uganda when the time is right.

-Just because I'm stuck in the US doesn't mean I can't do anything.. I'm not sure how yet but I will be abducted on April 25th. I will leave my home and stay the night outside so the invisible children through our efforts will be seen. 

finally waking up

Hello love,

well... It all begins with this.... 

"The birds brought seed and flowers and bits of brightly colored string and placed them in her hair while she slept so that she would remember the wild joy of spring when she finally awoke."

On that day, in mid September, I laid down in my bed and like Snow White I closed my eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep. Days, weeks, months, passed by and although I kept moving, kept breathing, kept being, this huge part of me slept life away. It was just easier, to numbly live throughout my days, it kept my broken heart safe from the harmful outside world. But regardless of my efforts it still hits in the midst of things like reading a book, listening to a song, watching a movie, or even in the kindness of a stranger... and in that moment the gravity of the pain slowly emerges from that once dull, unnoticeable twinge to a wave of evident striking pain that over takes me to my very core. 

October... November... December... January... February... March... 

each month passed by yet somewhere in-between the beginning and the end, life kept on moving and while I slept birds brought seed and flowers and bits of brightly colored string and placed them in my hair.

These were not real yet they were simple reminders that came in the version of people, places, and things that God set in my life so that when I finally opened my eyes.. I would remember that His love and His joy is consistent it will never fade.

And now that i have finally woken up i can remember and rest in the joys i found during these past few months.... 

So here are all my pieces of brightly colored string.....

-Beauty. the kind that comes from being comfortable being exactly who you are and who you want to be

- Art Walk in Miami. actually just Miami in general.. it was a lovely city and the atmosphere was amazing! I hope to one day live in a town where i can ride my bike wherever i want to go and look at tons of art exhibits once a month.

-Sunrises! there are really no exact words to describe them, alone or shared they are breathtaking and if ever an opportunity arises I will never miss another sunrise again.

 -Friends. Real friends show up, through the tears, car wrecks, broken hearts, broken families, no matter how nasty it gets the real ones WILL show up and be there to pull you through when you feel like you can't go on any more.

-Spontaneous trips! always a story in the making.... For the rest of my life I will always get to remember the crazy trip i took to DC for the inauguration... the people I meet, the Obama brunches, and Barakwurst, the time capsule, museums, the buttons, flags, sweatshirts, hats, the millions of people all in one place for one united reason.  AMAZING! BEAUTIFUL! definitely a memory i will never ever forget.

-Jumping on Trampolines! If you haven't done it recently i strongly suggest it. There is just something so much fun about jumping like that.. it transports you right back to childhood.

-Forgiving. it's one of the hardest lessons I've learned lately but it's the most freeing thing i've ever felt. I'm so happy i don't carry the weight of that bitterness on my shoulders anymore.

-Good Conversations. You know the ones where you actually look at each other in the eyes and care about what the other has to say. I really believe you can learn so much just by really listening.

-Unplanned Adventures, just getting in the car and going. I don't want to ever wonder where the car could have taken us. I've made too many amazing memories on roads like those. In barns, parks, houses, forests, there is always an adventure to be found and a moment to enjoy.

-Moments. I am a hard core believer in moments, the ones where for just a second time stops and you think wow that was awesome. (ex. the moment the sun set tonight while we were at the bar in the sun sphere... just watching the last little sliver of light fade down into night was a gorgeous end to another spring day

-storypeople.com . check it out! he gives me so much inspiration.... like this "this is a creature on fire with love but it's still scary since to most people this love only looks like one thing, instead of the whole world." - Creature on Fire

-Painting, drawing, sewing, henna.... I live to create! not to explain or to answer to anyone, to create my heart for the world to see.

Well there's that... until next time... may peace and love follow you.